Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Moon Roof

I am way too busy to be staying up to watch Jay Leno, but two of my favorites were going to be on, Billy Crystal and Dame Edna. During one of the 10 minute commercial breaks, they ran an advertisement for a car with a moon roof. I asked Marilyn, "Why do they do that?". "Do What" she asked me? I replied, "Put the moon roof on the top of the car, it would be easier to moon someone if they were lower down on the side, they're always making things for the young folks."
Marilyn can really wing a couch pillow.

Monday, March 27, 2006

Iowa Coyote

My neighbor to the east called. He lives on the banks of the Missouri River. He said he saw an animal of some kind that was behaving strangely. It was on property we farm just south of him. This land is also along the river. He walked the quarter of a mile down to the animal and discovered that it was a coyote, that had one of his feet caught in an old trap. The trap was probably left there by someone who came on shore from the river. My neighbor related that it was easy to see that the coyote was from Iowa. I asked the obvious question. "How could you tell the coyote was from Iowa". He replied, "He had chewed off three of his legs, and was still caught".

Saturday, March 25, 2006

I Wish I'd Said That

I find my self laughing at things people have said. It's the best kind of humor. If the right person says something out of character, or ironic, I get tickled. Years ago, a local man had two daughters who were in a trackmeet. They went out for track to get in shape for the softball season. They were stars at softball, but not fleet of foot. He was asked, "how'd the girls do in the trackmeet". He replied, "those girls run slower than pond water".
It describes me. I may change the name of my blog to Running Slower Than Pond Water.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

The New Me!!

If you've ever wondered what I look and sound like, CLICK HERE to go to a video blog that I made. It's only about 45 seconds long. I know I'm not much to look at but hope you're not too disappointed. You too can learn how to send one of these video blogs.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Practical Joke??

We've had near record warm weather this winter. The exception was a few weeks of colder than normal temps back in December. I mean it's been warm. Sooo, the letters from the golf club have started coming reminding us of the impending start of golf league. The seed and fertilizer dealers are making final sales. The calendar said the first day of spring was yesterday. The birds were chirping and the trees were begining to swell at the ends of their new shoots. So we got a bunch of snow yesterday and again today. All of the schools have been closed for two days now.
God has a mean streak and a sense of humor.
Okay. I get it. We're not in charge.
I've gotta go hang my clubs up, in the basement.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

This card reminded me of my last physical. That's my Dr on the right. He and my wife have the same bedside manner.
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Thursday, March 16, 2006

"You've Got Cancer"

"Well Doc, what, uh....how bad"?
"I don't know yet".
"We'll operate and take a look, won't know till we know what kind we're dealing with, could be good or bad news, we'll just have to see,,,,Monday all right with you?"
Have you ever had a conversation like this. I did ten years ago. He just got up and walked out of the room. I nearly fainted. I made it to the pickup. I then nearly fainted again. The treatment was grueling. He said "you've got the right kind of cancer to have, we'll be giving you a curative dose of chemo, you'll probably think we're trying to kill you but we don't get a chance to 'cure' a lot of people, you'll be fine".
Now, the reason I tell you this is, I was listening to a lady from the American Cancer Society yesterday. She was being interviewed on the radio. She said of everyone over the age of 50, in the state of Nebraska, only 27% have had a colonoscopy or have been checked for colon cancer. I didn't have colon cancer, but I got to thinking that since polyps take several years to go from baby polyps to pre-cancerous to cancerous, wouldn't it make you feel really stupid, if at the age of 60, some Doctor sets you down and says, "you've got a blockage, a cancerous mass that we must remove, and if you survive the cancer, you'll need to wear a bag the rest of your life,,, sorry to have to tell you that".
If you and or your spouse are 50 years old, talk to your Doctor. Get it done. If you can't afford it, do it and figure out later how to pay for it. It was 1996 when I had mine done. Nothing was found, so they said do another in 10 years. If they find something this time, they'll likely shorten the duration a bit. Do it. It'll give you something to blog about. If you don't really like your spouse all that much... look at it this way, it could give you many extra years to argue with them.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Old Ironsides

Marilyn has always been a big fan of the tall ships. When a TV show of them sailing into Boston Harbor appears on TV, she sits down to watch. She loves them. Her birthday was a couple of days ago and I got her this replica of the USS Constitution. Old Ironsides.
This replica is just over 3 feet long and about 2 1/2 feet high. There is a great deal written about this ship on the internet including an official US Navy Website for her. This wikipedia site tells a good deal of her history.
I ordered it about a month ago, and last week, Marilyn's ship finally came in. It didn't come by UPS. It was 'shipped'.

Monday, March 13, 2006

I have been a student of school reunions for some time now. My interest comes from having emcee'd our local Alumni Banquet since the beginning of time. Some general rules are:
1.the ten year class will buy tickets to the banquet and may or may not, show up. That party they were at, instead of the banquet, may or may not be written up in the local paper the next week.
2. The twenty five year class can still remember who the jerks were in high school. They also are pre-occupied with bragging about their kids.
3. The thirty, forty, fifty, and sixty year classes are the ones who have a good time.
My Bride and I attended our thirty-five year college reunion from the college we attended, this past weekend. It was a delight to get to sit down and talk to some good friends we haven't seen for a while.
Thirty five years out of college is enough to realize that life can be tough. We all realize how tentative life is. How disappointing it can be. How in the grand scheme of things, we're all pretty insignificant. We have our field of vision narrowed a bit. No, we have it narrowed a lot, which is good. We didn't have time for flowers, and Grandkids, friends, and reunions before. We have finally learned what really takes our breath away. Things like unexpected phone calls from family members and friends. Calls for no reason except to 'catch up'. Laughing out loud just because you heard a child laugh. Sentences like "Mom,Dad, we're getting married", or "Are you going to be home this weekend"?
Well, thanks to all the classmates who came. And to all who let me 'think' my 'entertainment' was good, on Saturday nite. It wasn't as good as getting in a good visit with you. Let's do it again soon. Don't forget the old saying, "Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take, it's measured by the moments that take your breath away".

Thursday, March 09, 2006


If you were a farmer, all of your magazines would be running this advertisement for Hornet Herbicide. A weed killer. This picture is part of the ad. It shows a hornet following a farmer out of the house. As they say, "Hornet is always at your side". Here, both the farmer and the hornet are drinking a cup of morning coffee. The hornet doesn't understand that one of the reasons farmers farm, is because they like working by themselves. Just blue sky, dirt, trees, grass, machinery, no one else around. This hornet has no idea, that when he follows the farmer to the machine shed, he's going to get a 2 x 4 right between the eyes. It's the same 2 X 4 the farmer used on the Burger King.
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Tuesday, March 07, 2006

That was my favorite shirt. The cowlick gave up eventually. At this stage I loved the song 'Davey, Davey, Crockett, King of the Wild Frontier', I loved the Howdy Doody Show and Annette on the Mickey Mouse Club. Don't tell Marilyn but I would have married her had I been given the chance. (Story Below)
I'm giving a speech Saturday night. The person arranging the banquet requested a 'bio'. I wrote one about the guy in the above picture. I think it's my High School graduation photo. I had trouble writing the bio. If you've never moved or changed jobs, then what? I then looked on Google to see how to write a good bio. Turns out you're suppose to put only important information into the bio.
So I erased the non-important stuff. So far I have, Cliff Morrow, born in 1950. Not dead yet.

Monday, March 06, 2006


I didn't watch the Academy Awards last night. I didn't think I could take an evening of America's most self important people, gathered to pat themselves on the back while they watched their favorite Newsman. They don't understand that John Stewart is just a comedian. They are all about making a 'statement'.
I made my statement too. "Who cares".

Friday, March 03, 2006


You and I are above average, in all things. We know that. There is no need to try to convince us otherwise. We make wise decisions. Some of that decision making ability comes from having learned from our mistakes. You tuck the info away, to be used for the next and wiser decision.
However, God has a plan for us. It includes humility. Well, to be more precise, humility, temptation, and stores with more than one check out line.
The lesson goes like this. You are following a large lady who is pushing a cart, and pulling one with a rope. Both carts are full. Stacked 3 feet above the side of the carts and items underneath hanging out and sweeping on the floor. She obviously has the seats out of her Suburban. How else could she possibly haul this stuff home? She goes into lane 1. In lane 2 is a man with a pack of gum. Who do you get in line behind. If you have enough experience, you will fall in line behind the lady with the two carts. Why? Because you realize it is a trap. Then the second temptation is thrown at you. A sweet young thing steps up to the register in lane 3, turns on the light and says, in a voice meant for seduction, "I can help someone over here". There is suddenly a bright light from heaven that encircles this girl and her empty lane. She is lovely, her hair fairly glows with radiance with the light from above. You want to. The urge is so strong. The man with the gum is almost out the door. Now even lane 2 is empty. The sweet thing in lane 3 smiles an alluring smile at you. The check out of the lady in front of you is about one fourth completed and is on the microphone, "I need a price check on Pillsbury Ultra Fudge Brownie Mix". Sweat, streams down your brow. You know it's a setup.
The human that you are, wins. You make a dash for the girl in lane 3. Three people show up behind you and fill lane 2. And another big load goes in behind the power shopper in lane 1. Your first item is scanned and then your second, and on and on until your last item is in hand. She shows it to the scanner. Beep beep. A frown appears on her face. She scans it again, beep beep. She reads the numbers and enters them one at a time. Beep beep. She grabs the microphone, "Bob, could you come up front?" Well, Bob is unloading a truck with a forklift and is the only one in the store right now who can both run the forklift AND tell us why this item won't scan. "I told Bob, and he'll be there as quick as he can", says the intercom. She smiles that beautiful smile that says, "I'm so glad you came to see me....SUCKER". She doesn't laugh that evil laugh. Outloud.
The other aisles empty, the customers are gone, and the checkers go on break. But there you stand with the Queen of Da Aisle. She says "I'm sorry this is taking so long". You reply while you look at the floor, "that's okay". If you were a five year old your Mother would be spanking your bare behind right now. "How dare you yield to temptation like that" she would yell. But for you, shame and humility is the lesson here in lane 3. YOU KNEW BETTER!
Marilyn claims to having worse luck than everyone else. She claims she's jinxed. Today we ordered breakfast at the little cafe off of the store. She went to get a jar of instant tea. She came back ten minutes later to a cold breakfast. "I can't believe it, the man in front of me just used his debit card for 33 cents". Now yelling "THIRTY THREE CENTS... AND, when she asked if he wanted some cash...HE SAID NO!!!"
There are two phrases which sound different but have the same intent.
"Hi big guy, want to have some fun?" and "I can help someone over here in lane three.".... Take a long, slow, deep breath and say, "No thanks", and just walk away.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

The Dogs Go With The People

It's moving day. March 1st.
There used to be a lot of people who lived out in the country. The reason was simple. It took a family to farm 160 acres. The man power it took to take care of the land, the crops, and the horses, required a lot of people.
Traditionally and even to this day, almost all farm leases, verbal or written, run March 1st to March 1st. So when farms changed hands, either by selling or leasing to someone else, everyone moved on March 1st. My Dad had told me that it was not uncommon to be traveling down the road with most of your possessions in a horse drawn wagon, and meet several other families on the road also on their way to the 'new' house, all with everything they owned tied to, and in the wagon.
I can only guess that it was an emotional time for everyone involved. Some would be improving their lives and others would be sliding further down fortunes ladder. I'm guessing the tears that flowed mixed in with the inevitable mud that March brings to Nebraska. Dad moved a half a dozen times from the time he lived in the Riverside area, where he was raised, to where we live now. Dad's moves were mostly for the better each time, as he moved his way up.
At the age 56, I have escaped having to move on March 1st. I have lived on this farm my entire life. I hope to move from here someday, when I get old enough to retire. I say hope, not that I want to leave, but that the alternative to retiring isn't atractive.
There was an unwritten rule that applied to the farm pets on moving day. The dogs go with the family, and the cats stay with the farm.
Thinking about it here, I'll bet the reason we didn't move much in the horse and wagon era, was because Mom loved to play her piano. A Baby Grand.