I was getting ready to go to the final night of golf league last night. I took off long pants to put on a pair of golf shorts. That right there was the first of several mistakes. The outside temp on my pick-up read 52 degrees on my way home. The stifling heat of a few days ago has turned into dry, crystal clear, cool air. It is 41 degrees this morning as I write. I love it.
Now for some of Cliff's Shorts:
*Marilyn payed dearly to sponsor a team in the local Chamber of Commerce golf scramble at the club. Thinking that it would be fun to have family members in the 4 person scramble she was able to get Tom, our Daughter Juli, Marilyn and myself as a team. Juli doesn't play golf. She could be a great golfer if she tried. She doesn't like the game... yet. After several holes were played in this 18 hole event Juli said, "I've figured it out." I asked, "figured out what?" "Why people play golf." I bit, "Okay, why do people play golf?" She said "It's to make the rest of their ordinary, crappy lives seem...well you know...somehow okay." She might be right.
We did okay. We came in 5 under par which slid us into the bottom of the first flight. Meaning no prize money. Marilyn got two flag prizes. One for closest tee shot on a par 3 and one for closest chip shot to the pin on a par 4. I will admit that having Tom there was kind of like bringing in a ringer. Let's just say we did okay off of the tee. A long ball hitter for sure.
*In church two weeks ago the person giving the children's sermon told the kids that his Mom used to tell him to clean up his room almost every day when he was a little boy. He then asked, "Does your Mom ever tell you to clean up your room?" A little boy raised his hand and a microphone was thrust in his face. He said "Yeah, well welcome to my world." The kids got timing.
*About a month ago it rained all night and the horses got out through a gate that was left unlatched. They trampled all over an area I had seeded to grass and was hoping to add it to the area I mow with our lawn mower. It's been so rough and weedy that I've been using a small tractor and a bush hog (mower) to mow it. I don't care for horses. I think you know that. It made me mad. They somehow put a foot print on every square foot of a newly seeded 1/3 of an acre. It had the appeareance of being a well planned act of terrorism. It rained all night Sunday night and into Monday morning. I get a call from the Sheriff's office. "Hi Cliff we have a report of two horses on county road 45 about 3 miles from the highway, it's muddy, raining, dark and the folks who called us are afraid a car might hit them. Do they belong to you?" I said "It's unlikely they haven't finished off the lawn around my house yet." "What?" she asked. "I said I'll count them and call you back." Marilyn was in Colorado checking on her Dad so I had no one to say "it's raining, they're your horses, you go count em." to. So there I was, in shorts, boots, and holding an umbrella and counting horses at 5:30 in the morning. I counted 10. The right number. I called the Sheriff. Did I mention I don't like horses.
*To explain the pics below, I want you to notice the eyes on the cat and horse. Do you think there is a chance that this farm is on an old nuclear waste site? Also if you'll notice, the horse doesn't like me either.

Who Writes The Titles?

It would be difficult to assemble 300 plus TV channels and not have one of them be worth watching. But DirecTv has done just that. The Clemson vs. Florida State football game went out of control early so I pushed 'Guide' to see what was on.
I found the program called: Get The Body You Deserve.
I thought about that for a moment. I thought "Isn't that the problem?" I already have the body I deserve. What I would like is a body I don't deserve.

Johns Old Barn

You will meet John and Terah at Blogstock. (hopefully) John has written a masterful piece about his Grandpa's barn. Don't miss it.
John and Terah have visited here and even sang in our Church choir. Terah is a serious sounding individual with great comedic timing. When she speaks of a serious topic even, you have to listen to the last few word of her sentence. She will make you laugh.
John can speak and write on my level as witness the post above, or he could blow away the techiest folks you know.
He has written several books and this page might explain some about him. It's hard to find computer folks who grew up on the farm and that I can relate to. When John talks of the family and the old farm he's as down home as you can get. When he talks of programs and new equipment he might get 5000 readers on one post. I've read some of those posts. I could just as well be reading Chinese.
His wife Terah also blogs. You'll find her linked on his blog. You'll also find her to be a serious Mom, and Social worker, and she is cutting edge witty. Her only fault is her love for Dr Pepper with Cadbury eggs at Easter time. Well that and her Underwear Rotation.
Their son just turned one. He will probably begin blogging soon. I should be able to understand him up until he is 6 or 7 years old.
You will enjoy getting to know this family before we get to Blogstock.

View My Complete Profile

Those of us with Blogger have the words 'View my complete profile' written somewhere on the sidebar. I don't want anyone to see my profile.
That's why I always face the camera.
By doing that I can also avoid smart alec questions like "When's the baby due Cliff?"

Blogstock '08

An addendum to the rain total. I have now dumped another .5 and then 2.2 in the past week bringing us to 9.9 inches since August 19th. Does anyone know if Clorox water is okay to bathe in? Or will mold eventually just fall off? NOW... back to the show.
Ralph's idea for Blogstock '08 has moved forward a bit. Ralph and Char were here for two nights recently and after careful consideration of the moon phases, the local weather patterns, everyone's schedule, and mostly not knowing when to have the big event we have agreed upon having it the 4th and 5th of July. Most the time we'll be here on the farm and some of the time we will be other places to be announced as they are firmed up. We hope some of you folks will come in Thursday, the 3rd, to help decorate a float for the parade to be held the following day. You might be able to ride on the float on the 4th and throw candy in case that's something you've always wanted to do. If you can only be here for a brief time, you should try to be here on Saturday afternoon and evening. There will be a 'gathering' at that time with memorable food, and fun and maybe a bloggers program. We'll need to get into that later. And I'm sure there will be some kind of breakfast on Sunday the 6th before you leave. (anything past Sunday dinner and you'd better have gloves and work shoes with you) If you have family members who aren't interested in blogs or bloggers, I think we can find sufficient activities to keep them busy. I can get you and/or them on at our local golf course and other courses for that matter. If you want to bring a fishing boat we have a pretty fair fishing spot just west of town. If all you have is a fishing pole, you can walk down to the Missouri river on the east edge of the farm and pull in a catfish or gar or carp or sauger or small mouth bass or... There are campgrounds available in the area and for that matter if you have a camper, you can plug into one of my grain bins and stay here on the farm. (there is 110v and 220v 60amp range plugs available at each of 10 locations) If you want to tent you can do that here and use our facilities. We can line you up with motel locations at a later date. Our airport is just 4.3 miles from the farm and is a lighted 4000' runway facility. No attendees. Call for services. We can come pick you up if you're from Texas and fly in. Or if you're a jogger, like I say, it's only 4.3 miles. : )
Marilyn and I and Char and Ralph will be your hosts and we promise to do our best. I'll be setting up a private blog for details at a later date. When I do I'll email those interested the address. We will pass along the cost of the food to each of you. It shoudn't be expensive at all.
Let us know.

Catching Up!

This photo of my Son and I and our Brides belongs with the August 8th post The Member-Guest Tourney. Dan sent me the photo from his camera.

This was at the end of our Friday night 9-Hole Scramble. We found out that there was a nice prize for being in last place. In the 'Having Fun Department'... we came in 1st. A Purple Ribbon.
************
AND THEN
************Last Thursday night Marilyn and I forgot to lock the door and who should pop in but the lovely Char and that guy she's been sleeping with.

They stopped again last night on their way back through. We got two too short visits from them but it's always fun if even for a short time. I'm pretty sure Ralph will fill you in about their great adventure. He has a month's worth of blogs in his head from this trip. I'm looking forward to it.
Ralph and I understand each other pretty well. I was up in the pre-dawn hours this morning, and I knew Ralph and Char wanted to leave early so when I heard Ralph coming downstairs I got up from my computer and met him in the darkened hallway. Without a smile from either one of us I said "Marilyn and I talked last night after you two went to bed and we think it's time for you two to leave." Also without a smile he replied, "We'll eat breakfast and leave, will that be soon enough?" I said "That will be just right." They did.
I hope they come back soon.

A Comedy Wasteland

I can't let this go for the third year in a row without saying something. After the 10:00 pm news here in Nebraska I'll usually do several things like maybe a shower, blog, make iced tea...and then just before bed I'll rifle thru the late nite shows to see who's on.
For the third year in a row, when I switch to Letterman, it's invariably the last couple of the top ten list followed by the same skit every night. And I mean it's the same skit. The announcer speaks over the song Hail To The Cheif while saying GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES, with an echo. Then they have a clip of Kennedy reading his speech writers speech, "ASK NOT... (this is where my set goes on to Jimmy Kimmel)
that is followed by an edited tape of the president cut and put back together to make him say the word 'uh', about ten times in a row or of one of his many poorly worded speeches.
I grew up watching Johnny Carson on the Tonight Show. He was humorous to the bone. He was a true entertainer. Letterman's show would embarrass Carson. It would be impossible for him to watch. The fact that Letterman must resort to the same skit night after night after night after year indicates how bereft of humor and talent he really is. He makes no attempt at being even handed in his politics on the show. He loves oinking around with the Micheal Moore's of the world and those of his ilk. Carson often delved into politics and everyone in Washington was fair game. His jokes were funny, but never meant to be mean spirited or one sided as Letterman always is. I've never been able to phathom why a producer would allow40 to 50% of his possible audience to be alienated into tuning away from the show just because of the hosts leanings.
Carson's talents were that he could control the show with his questioning and without doing all of the talking. He was usually the butt of his own jokes and let the big laughs go to his guests. Something you'll never see Letterman doing. It's very hard to be funny and at the same time 'cool' and 'pompous'. I am reasonbly sure that if you got a laugh at Lettermans expense, your chances of being on the show again would be nil
So tonight, try it yourself. Tune into Letterman at about the fifteen or twenty minute mark and watch the same skit every night. Ha Ha Davey. That is so funny...
The bright side for the producers of the show is that three minutes of a national broadcast, can be produced, and written by a page in editing.

Rain

The record books will not show the small drought we experienced in early to late summer. We had near record rainfall through early May and then the tap went dry. Very dry. We had everything watered by mid to late July and then scurried away on vacation. The plan was to return and continue pumping water after the trip. We were in Garden City Ks the first night and on rising we called home and were informed that thursday night the 19th of August it rained 1.25" back home. On the following thursday another 1.30". Then 2.25" on the 7th of this month and then .90" on the 10th and now 1.5 this afternoon the 12th. A total of 7.2" in 24 days. It has begun to rain easily. If this rain continues to fall, I'm going to get way behind on my irrigating.
I put this up in an effort to document this for my future reference. No other reason.
Nothing can make, or for that matter ruin a farmers vacation quicker than the news that it rained back home. If rain is needed, the news will make you float on air for a few days and no one can charge you enough for gas or a hotel room to ruin that giddy feeling.
If you don't need the rain, and it rains a lot doing damage to your crop, the same news can make you want to fly home and have the family bring the car.
Farming is alluring to some because you are your own boss. That's true. That just means instead of asking someone else what they think, you have to make the everyday decisions from what is ricocheting around in your head. Is it too wet to till the soil? To dry? Which implement should I use? Which tractor? How am I going to pay for that? Should I start irrigating?
To the person with no farm experience, it would appear to be pretty complicated. Experience answers most of your questions for you. It could take an hour to explain why you did something a certain way. But the decision may not have been made by reasoning but rather by remembering how much trouble you caused by doing it the wrong way last time..
Farming boils down to be just like a lot of other occupations. You'll do okay if you can pay attention, and remember your mistakes. You may remember my explanation of education. Education is the method we've developed for keeping track of the mistakes.

The Member-Guest Tourney

This has been a marathon of sorts. We had the family reunion in Albuquerque, Tiffany Campbell's wedding in Denver, and then the member/guest tournament here at the local country club.
Dan and Julie came for the weekend with the little Granddaughters. What a weekend. Friday night was the 'couples event' followed by supper at the clubhouse. It's a four person scramble meaning we all tee our own golf balls and then three of us pick up and lay down by the best shot. We continue like that until we hole out. The women get to use the 'front' tees or 'red' while the men use the 'whites' or the 'middle tees' which are back further. The use of further back tee boxes by the men make it so we use a good combination of both men's and women's shots. Around the green we all have about the same chance of having a shot that everyone else can use. It was fun to be able to spend that much time with Julie and Dan. They are so very family oriented, are great parents, and they're fun to be with.
The next morning Marilyn and Julie were in a two person scramble at 9 AM followed by a luncheon. Women have luncheons. Men don't have luncheons. I would never say the words.."We played golf and then had a delightful luncheon" just like I would never take a shower and shout upstairs to Marilyn.. "I can't find any clean panties to wear." Yes, I digress, let me continue.
The men played 18 holes starting at 1:00 on Saturday which was followed by a prime rib dinner. The girls joined us for that.
Sunday morning we played 18 more starting at 9:00 AM. I don't make a habit of Sunday morning golf especially because it's usually announced from the pulpit that Cliff isn't here because he's playing golf, as it was last Sunday.
The format for this tourney is such that even duffers like Dan and I have a chance. My game usually consists of a few pars, maybe a birdie or two, a lot of bogie's and a couple of complete meltdowns which keep my average up. The said format is called a quota point system. You get 1 point for a bogey, 2 points for a par, 4 points for a birdie, 8 points for a hole in one or eagle, and10 points for a double eagle. They assign each player a quota based on your combined average. Dan and I needed to get 20 points on Sat. We got 28. They averaged those two and gave us a new quota on Sunday of 24. We got 35 points. We were 19 over for the tournament. Which tied us for something. I think someone said 8th. Winning is never the goal when I play golf. The golfing is fun but more so the camaraderie and family and business discussions that go on continuously. I think you'll find out more about a person by playing 18 holes of golf with them than by any other method. You'll find out if they think the rules are for everyone or just others, and how they handle themselves in both victory and defeat. This on very nearly every hole. Dan didn't take up the game until about 2 years ago but shows that he already knows what golf is all about. Golfing is for sure not about the golf.

I'm Hot!

I walked into our courthouse last week. I sometimes stop on the main floor to chat a bit with an old friend and long time member of my church choir. She was in, and as usual greeted me with a big smile but this time there was a twist. The humidity and heat were up and she said, "Hi Cliff, Boy, you look Hot." With special emphasis on the Hot.
I quickly replied "I know, I think that's why Marilyn married me."
She laughed. I was proud of my witty comeback. She kept laughing. She put her head down on her desk and kept laughing. My smile disappeared. "It's not that funny is it?" She just shook her head yes and kept laughing. "Okay, well I gotta go." She waved good bye, still laughing.
I related the incident to Marilyn over dinner that night. She must not have thought the quip was so far-fetched. She didn't laugh but she did smile. She then suddenly got up from the table, patted me on the head with her 'talking to a two year-old' voice said, "That's right honey, I married you because you're 'Hot'. " She used a lot of air to say the word Hot. As a matter of fact the way she said Hot was kind of...well, you know, exciting. The conversation ended there because she suddenly had to go into the bathroom. Judging from the laughter, I think she must have been reading something funny in there. Something really funny. Now that I think back, she must have had a humorous book with her and started reading it just before the door slammed shut. I always miss out on the funny stuff.