Saturday, March 07, 2009

Don't Yell At The Dog Over Spilled Milk

To fully appreciate what I'm going to tell you, you need to know that from our front door, it is 16 feet straight across the living room to the doorway into the kitchen. From that doorway it's another 12 feet to the front of the kitchen sink.
Now I shall begin: Church eating events seem to get the best of me. The most recent escapade was last friday night. Our mens group was going to meet at church to assemble breakfast casseroles for a Saturday morning breakfast. We were hosting the Omahaland Association.
I reached home with only 5 minutes to load up the supplies I was going to take to church with me.
I had some groceries in my van when I arrived home that I needed to put in the house before I started bringing my supplies out. I had all of the groceries in my hands, (don't you love the plastic sacks, you can load soooo many groceries in each hand.)
As I reached the front door I had one empty finger left to trip the storm door. As it opened, the dog tried to get in and at the same time the wind caught the door and ripped it out of my fingers grasp. I tried to stop the dog from entering the house and save the door and it's closing cylinder, by trying to use another finger to catch the door. So I missed the door and dropped the gallon of milk I was holding in my right hand.
The milk landed on it's top on our concrete porch. As it lit it apparently built up a lot of pressure which it released through a small slit that developed.
I was standing squarely in the middle of the door and it soaked my jeans from the knees down. I had so much milk on me that one wouldn't have thought much could have gotten past me.
The storm door, the inside door, the door to the closet which is on your immediate left and the entry floor were all white washed.. That wouldn't have been bad but the milk squirted all over the living room carpet and walls, and ceiling, plus the doorway into the kitchen (remember a distance of 16 feet) and on into the kitchen where it painted all of the appliances, floor and kitchen sink.
It would have taken me 5 minutes with a Hudson sprayer to duplicate this.
I immediately said something. I don't remember what however. I know it was very brief. Maybe just a word..or two. But whatever it was that I said, made the dog leave. Or maybe she left because of the way I said it.
But that's okay, I'm pretty sure it was the dogs fault anyway.
Addendum: This reminded me of a story we used to tell back when I was a kid. Seems that during world war II, pilots trained over the homeland by dropping 'dummy' bombs. They didn't blow up but it was good practice. On one occasion they accidentally dropped a live round into a pasture. It lit next to, and blew up a cow that was being milked at the time of the explosion. The cow was blown to smitherings. (here you quit telling the joke and wait for the listener to ask) Well, what happen to the farmer?
A: He was left holding the bag.
Yes I'll stop.


Ralph said...

Okay I'm laughing, pretty darn hard as a matter of fact. The picture of that milk covering most of the house is well. . .pretty funny.
Cliff there is absolutely nothing with saying , "Ah heck" which I am sure were the two words.

Gary ("Old Dude") said...

oh crap, have stopped laughing, wiped the tears out of my eyes-----left holding the bag----now THATS hilarious.!!

Sue said...

Laughing at other peoples accidents does seem kind of cruel, but as long as no one was hurt it is really funny. Kind of like watching the funniest videios on TV.

Lanny said...

Oh sure! end your post with a very funny joke that deflects off of your blunder of carrying too much trying to work too fast and blaming the poor dog seeking warmth and comfort.

EV said...

Ah-man (X2).

Mary Connealy said...

I'm so sorry about the exploding milk. When it was actually happening, tell me your first thought was:

I'm gonna get a great blog post out of this. YAY!

bobbie said...

What a picture! I got a really good laugh out of this one!

Jamie Dawn said...

Good joke, but even BETTER personal story.
Oh to see that milk spray all over like that... what joy that would bring. Too bad it wasn't video taped. I would pay to see that!
Milk tends to smell over time. I'm thinking a nostril curling odor may be forthcoming.

Peter said...

Sure hope Marilyn got that mess cleaned up quickly Cliff.

Rachel said...

I can only imagine what you said to the poor dog Cliff!! You should have let the dog stay in and maybe he/she would have licked up some of that milk for you!

I really laughed at this post. Could not help myself!! I know it was awful for you at the moment but your telling it is funny as all get out!

Lucy Stern said...

Cliff, I'm not laughing....I am imagining the look on Marilyn's face....I am SURE she wasn't happy about this one. My husband tries to do the same thing by carrying in all of the bags at once and NOW I know why I don't like that!!!! Oh what a mess...How long did it take to clean it up? Oh well, don't cry over spilled milk...the real deal.

JunieRose2005 said...

hahahahahahahahaha! ALL OF THIS POST!!


Paul Nichols said...

My First Wife came running in to see why I was laughing so much. I showed her. She just groaned. She just ain't got that good sense of humor, I guess.

Dan said...

I'm glad that didn't happen to me, for I would have felt guilty for what I would have done to that dog. I would love to see a video of that though!!!!

Shannon said...

This was hilarious!!!

I agree with the word verification too.

Lanny said...

Hey I gave you and Ralph an award to share. In yesterday's post. Don't know if you do award things but I appreciate your humor and such.

Sparky ♥ ∞ said...

I'm over here from Lanny's blog "It's The Dirt". She's right, your blog is GREAT! Congrats on the Award.
Hubby and I were had the pleasure to be in your lovely State many years ago for a wedding. The people and the landscape was charming. You do live in a garden spot. We live in the country in SE Georgia. Both of us hunt, fish and are motorcyclists.
Have a blessed day!

Granny Annie said...

In all truth, I can only ditto Lanny's first comment.

Jim said...

Hey Cliff, you had a mess. I came here a couple of days ago but my computer croaked so I shut it off and went to bed.
I even had a comment 'previewed.'
My questions aren't answered yet:
1. I hope you let the dog back in. Adi and Katrin sure would lick all the milk up in no time. Otherwise Marylin will have to clean it up. (Be sure your dog is used to milk products. Ours get Blue Bell Light Vanilla every night before their bed time.)
2. Did you make it to breakfast? I hope so because you had the fixin's.
3. I'm not worried about what you said because you would never say a 'discouraging word.'
4. Will you get some snow tonight?

Anonymous said...

Dad, tom here. I am reading this late at night. I am tired, I need a shower, and did not really feel like laughing. I think I might have awaken Hudson.

Jamie Dawn said...

Just a hello from good, ole JD.


Marla said...

I would have said a couple words. That milk was a lethal weapon.

nora said...

That was an accident of Nora proportions.
Did you call all of the cats in.
My dad calls those hands too-full moments "lazy man's loads." I always forget that until I've dropped something on my foot or fallen down a flight of stairs.