Thursday, July 28, 2005

A Memorial

A moment of silence please. It is with deep sadness, that I report to you, that I have received my last WALTER DRAKE catalog. I have been a long standing, valued customer,,,, but yes, I have received the LAST CATALOG. The cost of postage has made it impossible for them to continue to send even one............ WAIT, if I actually order something out of this catalog,,,, YIPEE!!!! IT WON'T BE MY LAST.
Now, hmmmm let's see, we could use a key holder that looks like a pile of dog crap. But we have 2 dogs running loose on the farm and I just can't take the chance.
They have tweezers that will remove unwanted hair. Uh,,I don't have any of that.
There's Anti-Aging hand creme. That's what I need, people coming up and commenting that my hands look much younger than the rest of me.
They have "Hair No More Creme". Apparently Marilyn's been slathering that, in place of mayo, on my BLT's.
Here's a machine that will trim nose hairs painlessly. Yeah right!
Maybe Blind Wipes. No, not invented by Ray Charles. These will effortlessly wipe the dirt from your venetian blinds.
I could get 'Ready Strip'. As a varnish remover it might work,,, as foreplay,,, it doesn't.
Here it is,,, a bag squeezer! No I don't play the bagpipes, and No we don't make that many cups of tea, and no to what ever it is you're thinking.
Now I'm getting warm, Restaurant Quality Hamburger Press. How about a Farm Kitchen Quality Hamburger Press??
Hooboy, get this. Aluminum Ice Cube Trays. $8.99 I grew up with these and they didn't work. These are why all ice cube trays are now made of plastic.
JUMBO KEYBOARD LABELS!! They want you to buy these stickers and stick them on each letter on your key board. Someone explain to them, (screaming like Sam Kenison now) I KNOW WHERE THE KEYS ARE, I JUST CAN'T HIT EM.
Ah, my favorite, a Pedal Cycle, sit in your favorite easy chair, and pedal inches away.(if you never get up to eat something) Much easier to peddle than a bike. Now that's my kind of exercise, a workout that doesn't include that annoying tired feeling.
Yep, I've just received my last Walter Drake catalog.

26 comments:

Lee said...

Hi again- Ha! you are too funny- what a great sense of humor-I love it- wish I had it- I get those too with the HUGE orange label about being sorry, but if you do not order.... they are too much-just had to tell you how I enjoyed your post-take good care, Lee

JUST A MOM said...

Hey do they have one of those little toilet paper roll holder/stand thingy? Like you can store all your extra toilet paper in it behind the toilet and when you need it you have to get up off the toilet and turn around and bend down and open it and hope they don't all fall on the ground and get dirty or oh God wet. Do they have that huh do they?

Lee said...

You are one amazing man- I just scroled through your archives and cannot find anything about having cancer- you just don't mention that stuff is that it? Because there are lots of people out there who would give you support when you are going through a hard tie like that- I hope it is ok now- I just had to tell you that- also -I like to post quotes and writings about stress- I think it's a killer- thanks for stopping by- and take good care, Lee PS- some beautiful pictures I saw as I scanned through your site!

Lee said...

PS always forgive my mistakes it is my hands and eyes sorry-Lee

Cliff Morrow said...

Mom, I don't know if they have that, I'll dig in the trash and see if I can find the catalog. :}
Lee, the cancer is long gone. The stress is also under control. However I am about to create some. A two day golf tournament this weedend.

Rhodent said...

Useless and/or overpriced catalogs are always a source of amusement. "L" used to grab some of them and read the desriptions out loud. I should remind her about that... she could do a funny post about a few of them!

I have never received that particular catalog, but I have received many others in its place. Thanks for the funny post!

Ralph's Homespun Headlines said...

Cliff
It is with great sadness I read about you getting your last issue of the Walter Drake catalog. I am hoping the sadness and pain pass quickly.
Ralph
P.S. Do you think I fell head first into a vat of that Hair No More Creme?

Jamie Dawn said...

I used to get that catalog and several others. Those "threatening" tactics are so funny. I'm sure you are upset at the thought that they may cut you from their mailing list. NO!
I was thinking that the anti-aging cream might be good by the gallon and could be slatherd on the entire body for a youthful lift. Just a thought...
I called my hubby over to read this one with me.
Thanks for the laugh.

blue2go said...

Haha, that's a very funny post! I like getting catalogs in the mail but eventually, as you say, it all comes to an end because I never order anything, just enjoy looking through the catalog! I really liked the "Blind Wipes" and "Ready Strip" oh and the "Bag Squeezer"!

Idgie @ the "Dew" said...

I love Walter Drake. All the stuff you never realized you needed until you see it there. I have bought some truly ridiculous stuff through them!

But I do enjoy when you receive one catalog from a company, never have received one before that, and they tell you it's the last!

I wouldn't sweat it though, they'll send you that LAST catalogue for the next 10 years.

Paul said...

I wish I was receiving my last Walter Drake catalog. Lucky you.

May it RIP (pun intended).

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Paul

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Paul

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