A moment of silence please. It is with deep sadness, that I report to you, that I have received my last WALTER DRAKE catalog. I have been a long standing, valued customer,,,, but yes, I have received the LAST CATALOG. The cost of postage has made it impossible for them to continue to send even one............ WAIT, if I actually order something out of this catalog,,,, YIPEE!!!! IT WON'T BE MY LAST.
Now, hmmmm let's see, we could use a key holder that looks like a pile of dog crap. But we have 2 dogs running loose on the farm and I just can't take the chance.
They have tweezers that will remove unwanted hair. Uh,,I don't have any of that.
There's Anti-Aging hand creme. That's what I need, people coming up and commenting that my hands look much younger than the rest of me.
They have "Hair No More Creme". Apparently Marilyn's been slathering that, in place of mayo, on my BLT's.
Here's a machine that will trim nose hairs painlessly. Yeah right!
Maybe Blind Wipes. No, not invented by Ray Charles. These will effortlessly wipe the dirt from your venetian blinds.
I could get 'Ready Strip'. As a varnish remover it might work,,, as foreplay,,, it doesn't.
Here it is,,, a bag squeezer! No I don't play the bagpipes, and No we don't make that many cups of tea, and no to what ever it is you're thinking.
Now I'm getting warm, Restaurant Quality Hamburger Press. How about a Farm Kitchen Quality Hamburger Press??
Hooboy, get this. Aluminum Ice Cube Trays. $8.99 I grew up with these and they didn't work. These are why all ice cube trays are now made of plastic.
JUMBO KEYBOARD LABELS!! They want you to buy these stickers and stick them on each letter on your key board. Someone explain to them, (screaming like Sam Kenison now) I KNOW WHERE THE KEYS ARE, I JUST CAN'T HIT EM.
Ah, my favorite, a Pedal Cycle, sit in your favorite easy chair, and pedal inches away.(if you never get up to eat something) Much easier to peddle than a bike. Now that's my kind of exercise, a workout that doesn't include that annoying tired feeling.
Yep, I've just received my last Walter Drake catalog.