Monday, November 20, 2006

I Have Deep Pockets

It's my khaki's. I bought them from a big and tall magazine. No. I'm just six foot tall.
I think when they make khaki's bigger than normal, they use a ratio. The bigger your pants, the bigger your pockets.
The folks in charge of my pockets, are doubtless heirs of the same people who made Captain Kangaroo's coat.
I keep my billfold in my left, rear, pants pocket. I always have. Well...except for that year my pants didn't have pockets and my favorite song started with the words, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. Neru jackets don't go with pants that have pockets. I digress.
Well now with my khaki's, I must stick my left arm in my left, rear pocket, up to about, oh, the ELBOW in an attempt to retrieve my wallet. And it's not that easy. The wallet turns sideways and gets stuck. (they need to look at the width ratio one more time because one should have room for War and Peace on it's side) If I'm standing it's not too bad. The problem comes when I'm seated. I'll jump in the car and my wallet is near the back of my knee. It's uncomfortable under there. So I lean over to the right, stick my left arm in like I was helping a Veterinarian pull a calf, and start to dig. I had one of my boys with me a month ago while performing this procedure. We were driving down a Lincoln street, I'm digging, and he nervously looks left and right for acquintances and says in a yelling whisper, "Dad, what are you doing?" I replied, "Trying to get my billfold so I can buy us dinner at McDonalds." "What's it doing up there?" "Doctors will do that for you Dad, but they'll use a glove" Then he said "Dad, stop it, I'll buy and for crying out loud get a money clip."
Well that's my problem but I don't have time to worry about it. I'm headed back to Lincoln. The boys want me to come down. They said "Dress casual Dad, you know, jeans and a golf shirt." They must need help in the shop. I can tell by the way they want me to wear jeans.


Claire said...

Hee! What a funny story!


Gette said...

Those visuals made me snort. The guys that make your pants pockets must be the same ones that think all women like really low rise jeans.

Anonymous said...

Wot... no apron Cliff?

JUST A MOM said...

CLIFF come on you can figure this on out,,, Get the good old singer and sew a line up by the top of the pocket, Man sometimes ya gotta drink teh water for them too,,, Have a great week.

Rachel said...

Very funny Cliff!! I guess a wedgie would be easier to get out huh? teehee I'm glad you haven't had an accident yet while trying to dig your wallet out.

I think Just a Mom has the right idea!

Jim said...

You should carry your wallet in your front pocket for several reasons:
1. practice for avoiding those pick-pockets in Omaha and Lincoln;
2. the doctors advise it to avoid getting sciatic nerve problems (sciatica);
3. it will help your looks not having a bulge in an already bulgy area; and
4. a nice striped arpon can conceal it up front.

Your feast looks good. Those Huskers must have heard you guys in the last nine seconds of the game.
Mrs. Jim just called to say the Huskers will play her LSU tigers in the Cotton Bowl. Most years we would go to this. Are you?

Angie said...

Just be sure not to buy any jeans from the Big and Tall store, or your boys won't want you to dig around while your helping them ;)

LOL, you crack me up!

Kendra Lynn said...

LOL...I'm so glad I'm a girl...I keep my wallet in my purse, and rarely have to dig for it.

Great story.

Have fun working.

GEL said...

Hahahah- Terrific "tale"... I was thinking of the "glove" too because
my husband endured one of "those" exams this morn.
(I'm back at blogspot to stay!- don't worry about updating links; just come visit when you can.)
Hugs to you and yours from your green-eyed net friend for a wonderful Thanksgiving!
(((Cliffers, Marilyn, & Morrow clan)

Jerry said...

Dad has the same problem. He's missed the collection at church a few times, because he couldn't dig the wallet out of his back pocket. Of course, his wallet is about the size of a large deli sandwich.

Britmum said...

Scragend seems to have the same problem although he doesn't seem to have six foot hole pockets. It makes me snigger when I see him him fighting with his pockets.

I will once again read and comment, write, read and comment.

Missed you.

Take care xx

Mike ( ex scientia, veritas ) said...

Keep repeating those arm stretching exercises and you could end up walking on your knuckles! And the boys thought they were embarrassed before.

Felecia said...

This would certainly proove to confuse and/or enrage any ordinary pick-pocket; "just a moment... nope... hang on... dang...yep...I think...yep...I got it!"

I'm no Martha Stewart, but I do have advice; take a needle and thread and create a new seam half-way down.