Monday, October 19, 2009


Midwest Producer
October 23rd Edition

I’ve found new ways to offend people without leaving my computer. It started about three weeks ago. It began the day I feared that my eyesight was failing me on a permanent basis. I sat down to check email. I did get some email. I get a lot of email because I have just two options on filtering email through my service provider. I had the choice of Option A: Don’t allow anything to get through to your inbox, or Option B: Allow absolutely everything. I apparently clicked on the everything option.
The day in question I couldn’t focus on the email, everything was blurry. No matter how many times I held my readers up to the light and re-cleaned my left lens, I couldn’t get it clean. The right one was fine. Clean as a whistle. I cleaned the left lens over and over and looked at the computer between each attempt. It was still very blurred. I began to think of the diseases that suddenly take your eyesight when you near 60 years of age. Was this the end of my visual years? Was I destined to look at life as one big impressionist painting? No by golly! I got up from my desk and stepped on something. It was the right lens from my glasses, problem solved.
I found a different pair of glasses and things were better. I then started deleting email as is my habit but found a couple of letters from a computer at a company called Facebook telling me that certain people, people I knew, wanted to be my friends. All I had to do was confirm by clicking here and I’d be on my way to Facebook.
I decided not to click on these letters from friends for the same reason I won’t click on the ones from Xynana and Carlah and Bob W offering to take me off their list if I’ll just click here. Or the folks with stranger names offering good times in faraway places with Tonya. The two Viagra ads I get everyday get deleted. Don’t tell him but I do that without asking my Doctor if I’m healthy enough to delete them. My wife says I am healthy enough to delete them.
No, these new emails are from the new friends at Facebook that I didn’t even know I had. After asking, I found that my wife had signed us up on Facebook in order to look at pictures on Facebook that her brother from Texas had published. So I therefore, did indeed, have a Facebook account.
What does that mean? As far as I know, without my knowledge or consent, I now have about thirty friends waiting for me to confirm that I’m their friend. I’m getting more friends daily. I guess I should call these friends of mine but I don’t have the phone numbers I’m going to need to call and tell them that I like them too. I must be hurting their feelings.
I called my son in Lincoln for help. He owns a body shop and has hundreds of friends and customers on Facebook. Turns out he doesn’t need his Dad as a friend. “It’s just wouldn’t seem right Dad, but you should learn how to use the account.”
I said, “Dan, I’m on the county board, I wouldn’t feel right about telling everyone what I’m up to every minute of the day.” He said, “You’re in the phone book Dad, everyone knows where you live, you’ve been there for almost 60 years now.” “Get over it and get on with the future.”
Well I feel guilty about all of these folks wanting to be my friend and me not responding. If I do learn to do this, what would I say? What could I write? Let me practice. Let’s see, I would write:
Me: I’m writing my column for the Midwest Producer.
You: What are your columns about?
See! I was afraid someone would ask me something I couldn’t answer.
I liked computers better when I only had the one lens.


Anonymous said...

Glad you found the source of your blurry vision. I was afraid you'd had an erection that lasted over four hours. The ads claim if that happens you may get blurry vision and/or hearing loss. I've always wondered if that does indeed happen, how am I suppose to see the doctor's number in the phone book and how am I suppose to hear what he tells me to do.

PS The fans in the stands always claimed I had bad vision.

Ol Blue

Gette said...

Once you're used to Facebook, I'll send you a friend request to ignore. ;)

Granny Annie said...

I am on facebook but still confused about half the time.

Meanwhile, rumor has it (i.e. Ralph said) you are restoring an Allis G. My spouse would love to ask you some questions. Email me at and I'll give you his email address if you are willing and able.

Shannon said...

Funny, I am on FB. But I too, thought it was weird to "befriend" my parents, lol.

EV said...

You're not alone. I agree with your perspective. Did a lens pop out?

Paul Nichols said...

I have a FB account, but only for greedy, selfish reasons. Your wife's name keeps popping up saying I should be a friend of hers. That probably won't happen. Ralph and I are friends. Hardly ever speak to each other. Go figure. I dislike FB. My First Wife and I have already graduated from the 8th Grade. I much prefer blogging. We're gonna close down FB after Christmas. Selfish, greedy reasons.

I like the picture of your purty orange Allis-Chalmers. Great job.

Cliff said...

Hey Blue, I sat in the stands and watched you umpire several games and never once heard anyone question one of your calls.

Gel said...

I'm glad your eyes are ok!
As for facebook, there are many folks who pretend to be your friend to get you on a mailing list...
I have, so far, taken the stance of "no Twitter" and no facebook. Although, More and more adults are reconnecting wtih facebook so I may change my mind. A woman's prerogative.

Kendra Lynn said...

Now, I like Facebook...really enjoy chatting with my 460 friends. LOL
but when my dad got on FB, I started worrying. :)

Hope all is well...


marty said...

I like facebook because it serves up pics, videos, etc. of all your friends right to your homepage. I am able to follow the lives of lots of my friends and relatives and their children that I wouldn't see otherwise. The video of your granddaughter getting her ears pierced was priceless. There is still a role for blogging because it allows people to tell a story - something you are very good at. There is a blogging feature on FB but it sort of gets pushed aside by all the other socializing features. If I were you, I'd dabble in FB and keep your blog going full steam.

Cliff said...

Great to hear from you MEM.
All you say is true.

Lynne said...

Cliff, Welcome to Facebook!! I am on it because I want to see pictures of my great nephew in Oregon. I think you will enjoy it if you don't get too involved in all the extra "stuff" they try to entice you to try!!

Lynne Van Valin

Jamie Dawn said...

I'm on FB too! It has been a great way to reconnect with lots of my family members who've I've not seen in years. PLUS I've reconnected with high school friends. If you are on FB, people WILL find you, so watch out and be prepared.
The great thing about FB is that you can comment quickly. It is not as time consuming as blogging. That being said, I have not been on FB much at all lately, but I plan to...
I also plan to post something new at my blog... this weekend some time.
I've not been doing much computering lately.
Oh well...
Eat lots of carrots and keep those eyes sharp. Keep deleting those Viagra ads or Marilyn will delete them for you.


Miki said...

Cliff, I havea Facebook account, and LOVE it! I spend a great deal of time there, sadly much more time than on myblogger account. BUt it is great for pictures and for reconecting with folks that have moved away...or folks that I have lost touch with. HOpe you learn ot use your account, and if you do, email me your info and I will request you as a friend so that you can ignore me too! Miss Chatting with you, there is an option for that too on FB!

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