I've found myself very tired as of late. Meetings at night that run too long, and late softball games held 90 miles from home are just some of the culprits. Monday night we got involved with starting the hiring process for our new Economic Developement Board in our county. We had the resumes in hand and it took a while to whittle away. Got home at 11:30 and up at 5 a.m. to head back to Lincoln for more meetings.
The point of all this is that, at golf league tuesday night, I played in a foursome with a friend who is in a battle for his life with cancer. We weren't in the same cart so as we stopped to tee off or when together on the green we discussed the similarities in his treatment with mine, now 9 years ago this August. His stories of his chemo and testing began to bring back some desperate memories. Times in my life when I was sure I couldn't do this anymore. It has a tendency, for me anyway, to put me right back to where I was mentally 9 years ago, especially if I'm tired, which I was.
I have another good friend who I'm told has been recently diagnosed with a common form of cancer for men. I graduated from High School with him and went to college at the same school. He was there at golf league, and I shall assume his cancer was caught early, and that all is well, but still, I wanted so much to talk to him and tell him what so many had told me, 'attitude is everything', you must believe you will win this battle, and you probably will. I wanted to tell him that he's in my thoughts and prayers, that I was pulling for him. Well I couldn't bring myself to talk to him, after all, there's no crying in golf, and I was on the edge all night.
You can beat cancer, but any talk of the treatment will take you back mentally. I also can't drive by the Bishop Clarkson Hospital without getting that sick feeling in my stomach. The same feeling I had for the 3 months of intense chemo treatments. Five days a week, 7 hours a day.
Well my friends, attitude is everything. Although I know the hopeless feelings that swell from within. They can overwhelm. Fight them and know that 5 or 10 years in the future they will just be faint memories. Most of the time.