Thursday, May 19, 2005

Cancer Survivors

I've found myself very tired as of late. Meetings at night that run too long, and late softball games held 90 miles from home are just some of the culprits. Monday night we got involved with starting the hiring process for our new Economic Developement Board in our county. We had the resumes in hand and it took a while to whittle away. Got home at 11:30 and up at 5 a.m. to head back to Lincoln for more meetings.
The point of all this is that, at golf league tuesday night, I played in a foursome with a friend who is in a battle for his life with cancer. We weren't in the same cart so as we stopped to tee off or when together on the green we discussed the similarities in his treatment with mine, now 9 years ago this August. His stories of his chemo and testing began to bring back some desperate memories. Times in my life when I was sure I couldn't do this anymore. It has a tendency, for me anyway, to put me right back to where I was mentally 9 years ago, especially if I'm tired, which I was.
I have another good friend who I'm told has been recently diagnosed with a common form of cancer for men. I graduated from High School with him and went to college at the same school. He was there at golf league, and I shall assume his cancer was caught early, and that all is well, but still, I wanted so much to talk to him and tell him what so many had told me, 'attitude is everything', you must believe you will win this battle, and you probably will. I wanted to tell him that he's in my thoughts and prayers, that I was pulling for him. Well I couldn't bring myself to talk to him, after all, there's no crying in golf, and I was on the edge all night.
You can beat cancer, but any talk of the treatment will take you back mentally. I also can't drive by the Bishop Clarkson Hospital without getting that sick feeling in my stomach. The same feeling I had for the 3 months of intense chemo treatments. Five days a week, 7 hours a day.
Well my friends, attitude is everything. Although I know the hopeless feelings that swell from within. They can overwhelm. Fight them and know that 5 or 10 years in the future they will just be faint memories. Most of the time.

12 comments:

bridgesitter said...

Thank you Cliff for sharing this story with us. I'm very glad that you are here to share your life with us, the funny, the sad, the ornery, and the moments shared with your family. Now try to get more rest!

Jamie Dawn said...

Cancer sucks and I hate it. I have lost several people to it, so I have anger about it. We just lost a 41 year old woman friend (wife and mother) to breast cancer. My husband is a pastor and officiated the funeral. It about killed him emotionally. I know cancer can be beaten, but unfortunately my loved ones haven't been those blessed with that outcome.
I'm thrilled for you because you are a victor! I know your heart ached for those men because you know the pain and struggle of the battle. You've inspired me today to believe that cancer can be beaten.

taza said...

I sure hope you get a chance to share your thoughts with your friend when
1) you aren't feeling so emotional or (preferably)
2) it won't matter that you cry when you tell him.
And thanks for dropping by my blog Cliff, I appreciate your comments!
:)

Rhodent said...

Good counsel for people living with cancer. I have had friends and family die or struggle through difficult battles from cancer. Thankfully, newer treatments are increasing the survival odds...

Ralph's Homespun Headlines said...

Cliff
Attitude is everything - you are so right. Thanks for sharing the story and best wishes to your friend.
I have however seen people cry on the golf course about a whole lot less serious things - like a bad shot.
Ralph

Triplet Dads said...

Cliff, as I read your blog, it occurred to me that you were exactly my age when this started. You've sufficently scared me into fulfilling my colonoscopy appointment. Thanks for this post.

Idgie @ the "Dew" said...

Miss Scarlett has gone into hiding. Miss Scarlett has managed to get herself in big trouble with her neighbors and has shut down her blog. Hubby feels Miss Scarlett and he may have to move. Umn. I will re-connect in a few weeks with any new addresses I might have.

magz said...

strong man. strong family. I'm here, heading that way, sent same e twice to the 'hunt' eddress, if thesre's a better one lemme know..

and ms 'lady in red' had best not EVER lose my eddress... be waiting on yer stories galpal.

Cliff Morrow said...

Thanks to all for reading and commenting. I'm in the midst of finishing up planting and a little too busy to write.
The comments here at the bottom have come as a surprise. Hope all goes well for w.s.h.
magz, Marilyn and I got the email last nite. Thanks!

Jamie Dawn said...

To the "under-tall" Mr. Morrow:

I look forward to more posts when time allows. I'll check back soon.

Green-Eyed Lady(GEL) said...

Hey Cliffers,

It sounds lie you beat cancer? I hope so. Your post has helped me with "stuff" I haven't blogged about and have been planning to for a while...

Like someone else said here, I hope you can talk to your friend soon. People feel so alone with cancer (or other serious chronic illnesses) or like a freak, as you must know.

Well, there's a gamut of other emotions. I'm not expressing myself well.

Please rest,take care, and know this Easterner is thinking of you and your friend. I feel I must have missed an important post/posts here when I was away from blogging that month.

Green-Eyed Lady(GEL) said...

Forgot to say, I understand (and experience) flashbacks (that taking you back mentally). Hugs to you and your wife. Those flashbacks are so d*mn close to lviing the real thing all over. (No, I didn't have cancer, but I can't get into what I did/do have.)