Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Thirty Five Years of Wedded Bliss and then.....

My world was turned upside down a couple of nights ago. The woman I have loved and trusted dealt me a blow.
It started just after the news at 10:00. A commercial message began and I got up to put my shoes in the bedroom. This was going to take all of 5 seconds. I picked up the shoes, and as I left the room I noticed that the volume of the advertisement was much too loud. But I didn't stop and go back to turn it down. Our only remote is of course, by my chair, and under my personal care. ( I do let Marilyn use it if I'm not home. ) I went around the corner to put my shoes in the bedroom, thinking to myself, "I'd better turn that TV down".
As I dropped my shoes and turned around, it happened. The TV volume dropped suddenly. I made a quick step toward the door of the living room, and my eyes swept from my endtable, to our only remote laying upon it. Then I looked at Marilyn, still with the footrest in the up position on her recliner, still with a blanket on top of her, and then to the TV that had miraculously quieted down.
I looked at Marilyn and asked, "What did you do?" She said "What?" The thing that bothered me, was the look on her face. She looked like a little boy who had been caught with a mouthful of candy. I asked "How'd you turn the TV down?" Then she said "What TV?"
Then it hit me. This woman who is the Mother of my children, whom I have trusted with the most closely held secrets of my mind, whom I have shared a bed with for almost thirty five years, HAD A CLANDESTINE TV REMOTE IN HER POSSESSION. AND she was not showing any remorse.
I did not succumb to my first urge. That of tipping her chair upside down to look for spare remotes like some kind of prison warden looking for contraband. I thought about taking the table cloth off of her endtable. The cloth she supposedly made to both adorn the room and hide the poor quality of the table. A noble effort, I thought. I never dreamed that the cloth was hiding a remote to be used when I dozed off. Well, I have to be out of town later this week. I'll probably sit alone in my hotel room, and use a strange remote, and wonder at what Marilyn is doing with my remote back home. Probably watching the first movie she comes to. How will she know what to watch. She probably won't even think to go thru the first 200 channels to see what's on.

15 comments:

Just Help Me said...

that cracks me up!!! go marilyn!!! she probably has universal remotes all over the house just waiting for you to doze off or step out of the house!!! lol for all we know she has been doing this for years. lol what a great wife to let you still keep thinking you are the king of the remote!! that is love man!! lol

Anonymous said...

Why do men think the TV remote and their manly organ both should be in constant use?

Rachel said...

LOL! Very funny Cliff!!

Way to go Marilyn! Now if you had of turned it down then you might never have known!

Marilyn 1
Cliff 0

Very funny post Cliff. Thanks for the good laugh!

Jerry said...

Cliff,
How many times have you misplaced your remote, and Marilyn let you upend the house trying to find it? And all the time she had her own remote. Tsk Tsk. I'd sleep with one eye open if I were you.

Funny stuff.

Mike ( ex scientia, veritas ) said...

That reminds me of Grumpy Old Men where Walter Mathau was changing his neighbors channels next door to frustrate him. :)

Jamie Dawn said...

This reminded me of when my kids used the remote from the extra TV downstairs at my inlaws house to change the channel while they were watching something upstaris. They also messed with the volume. It took awhile for Nana & Papa to figure it out, but of course, they did.
That Marilyn is a sneaky one. She's a woman after my own heart. A woman's gotta do what a woman's gotta do!

Dan said...

that's funny

Ralph's Homespun Headlines said...

Cliff
That is good. The line,"whom I have trusted with the most closely held secrets of my mind" made we really laugh. It also reminded me of the time I climbed out of the shower, dripping wet, totally amazed about the patterns the water had made out of the hairs on my forearm. Char just looked at me confused - probably because it a very complex pattern of forearm hairs. Then in front of God and everybody (well, just God no one else was in our bathroom) she just blurted out,"What goes on in your head?" Yeah, I know - it was a dumb question but I bet Marilyn has thought it too.
Ralph

Ralph's Homespun Headlines said...
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Peter said...

A fine group of friends you have around you Cliff, not one of them saw the treachery that this story hilighted.
Go forward bravely my friend safe in the knowledge that Marilyn probably has no interest in assuming control of the welder or the angle grinder.

Rhodent said...

Makes you wonder what else she has kept secret from you, doesn't it?

My TV occasionally changes volume and channels. However, it is normally my fat cat Scud sitting on the remote. The other times it is someone jingling house or car keys. Or at least that is what I thought. Maybe Koko had hidden a spare remote from me.

Jim said...

Good one, Cliff!
And guys, I think this one is true.

I figured out what was missing in your new sink picture. There isn't a hair brush, a hair dryer, a comb, a couple of toothbrushs, soap, a glass, makeup, or wash cloth crumpled where you left it.
..

JUST A MOM said...

OH CLIFF I so have miss reading your whit!!!!! keep it up I am on to finish catching up.

Maria said...

Oh the power of the remote. Bob and I had our first argument over the possesion of the remote. For quite awhile, I thought I had won, but I notice more and more that he is taking back the power.

So enjoyed this post!

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