Saturday, February 19, 2005


Chickerace, rhymes with Liberace.
He is an exotic chicken. I now have full ownership of him. He lives in a spacious pen in my shop. He is about 2 years old, large, beautiful, and very aggressive. Every morning he crows wildly.
How does an otherwise normal seeming farmer, end up with an exotic. Besides roaming the beaches of a Caribbean island, this is how you do it. Buy 100 or more baby chicks, you know, the 'fryer' type, and get one exotic chick, "FREE". This has happened 3 different times. The trouble is they all grow slower than fryers and they are left behind as a pet.
Jeez I wish they wouldn't do that.
The other 100 fryers are well on their way to the grill when this little, slow growing feller is just getting started. And since we don't want one cornish game hen, and since we need to load the others to take them to the butcher,we keep him for a pet. (not my idea)
Our exotics are rich with history. There was Sparky who spent his summer here on the farm sleeping in one of our buildings and running to the handrailing on the front porch to crow every morning. We started calling him a 'dumb cluck'. His demise came one night. We don't know how. All we had left of that early morning riser was a circle of feathers. We were glad to see him go, he had taken to trying to make babies with an old deflated basketball that was out in the yard.
Then there was Dweezle, who slept in the barn and fell prey to our dog, we think. That bird would attack anyone and everyone.
That brings us back to Chickerace. He began as a normal, slow growing chick. He got taken to Lincoln where he was raised a 'Body Shop Chicken'. Customers and suppliers alike grew to love the chicken. He had the run of the place. However, he started to show tendencies that possibly would land him in chicken penitentiary. He began attacking certain people. The ones that were moving. He began crowing loudly from daybreak to noon. Lincoln passed a Chickerace law about no roosters in the city limits. (Okay, they didn't really know about Chickerace, but did pass a law. They didn't want crowing in town)
He became a beautiful, multi-colored, HUGE chicken. He reached the age of puberty. How can you tell, you ask. Well I'll tell you. He started growing a beard and trying to have sex with something. Anything. He was on the attack one day and someone kicked a sandal at him to scare him off. So he bred the sandal. Well that right there, will get you thrown out of most body shops. And it worked here. My son caged his novelty chicken, turned sex offender, and brought him to the farm where I check his feed and water daily. (okay, weekly, usually) He's been here 2 years, doing 20 to life, for sexual assault of a sandal. They never learn.


Anonymous said...

What would his sentence be if you mixed a little Cialis in with his feed?

Idgie @ the "Dew" said...

Now that is a damn fine looking animal!

(My first "pet" was a Rhode Island Red - I'm very fond of chickens)

Anonymous said...

Very funny story, Cliff!

I think this may explain why our neighbors let their chickens roam by (or on) the road :-)

-- John

Anonymous said...

Does anyone have any noodles?

Roy Naka said...

I have a cartoon dog site. It pretty much covers cartoon dog related stuff. Check it out if you get time :-)