Saturday, December 17, 2005
This is a picture of my cell phone. It is being held up in front of an aerial photo of our farm. The antenna is crossing our ('it's bleeding me dry' 3/4 of a mile) lane. The little black square at the end of my lane is our farmstead. The little black dot in that black square is me, but you may not be able to see that. The black winding ribbon at the top is the Missouri River. I'll explain.
Today, I am getting a new phone. I am also getting a new cell phone company. One that has a tower right by town. I will be able to use a cell phone, well, where I am most of the time. Currently I must travel 25 miles to use my cell phone. It kind of defeats the purpose. Did I mention that I loathe my phone. I use it about 5 minutes a month. That's because it has never worked.
The cell phone pictured above has dropped so many calls over the last three years that it has changed my speech pattern. How, you ask? Well I will be talking, face to face, with someone and say something like, "so the only health care options, our county has, at least that make any sense are, hello, hello, are you there, hello, well @#$% @#%^%!!
I often hear the same thing from people I'm talking to. I'll say, "Hi Marilyn, I think I'm having a heart atta.." Marilyn interrupts with "Hello, hello, Cliff, your breaking up, hello Cliff, oh well, call me back".
Here's where you come in. Today I will be handed my new phone by my son from Lincoln and I need to do something with the old one. You will say "carefully recycle". Sorry, I just can't. I point to the black ribbon on the top of the map say, "how about the river". How do you know if you can throw a cell phone across a big river if you haven't tried it?? I don't know how wide the river is. I do know that neither of my son's can hit a golf ball across the river so it must be over 300 yd's across.
I'd like to see if an old farmer can throw 300 yards.
Another option would be to place it on the anvil in my shop and apply blunt force trauma to it. OR I could risk a ticket, get the old van up to 90 MPH and let it slip from hand, onto the road way. I am unwilling to do the last one. Next summer, it's likely some 'litter control group' would turn it into the sheriff, who would hold an investigation, and eventually bring it back to me with a smile, "SO Cliff, been missin this?
I need your help. What can I do for my phone's retirement party?