Thursday, January 15, 2009

Look On The Bright Side

I always feel fortunate to have survived the holidays. Like many of you I come from a long line of good cooks who think it necessary to try and set a new caloric intake consumption record for the family each year at this time. My wife Marilyn and I have learned to stand at the door while the kids walk out headed for home, and dutifully hand out everything we possibly can. They have busy lives and really don’t have the time to cook so they’ll appreciate these brownies and the plate with every conceivable chocolate dipped delight on it. Why with just one bite they can intake enough calories to feed a small village, for a day.
We use a sort of triage system. The highest calories per serving desserts get handed out first. The last will be the left over ham and veggies. Our kids are finally on to us and demand a balanced diet. Candy and ham. Cake and a turkey. Cinnamon rolls and some left over prime rib. Well, you get the idea.
All of this eating during the holidays, recently lead me to a near state of depression. My wife came home and found me sitting on the side of the bed in a tee shirt and my whitey tighties. I’ve never been able to hide my emotions from her. She knows immediately if I’m troubled and this was certainly no exception. She asked what was wrong. I replied “Oh, nothing.” “Come on, spit it out, I can tell when something is eating at you.”
I said, “If you must know I just took a shower and walked in here and stood in front of this full length mirror with no clothes on.” She said “And…?” I said “Well, I got to staring at the mirror and I realized that I’ve fallen apart, I’m really overweight, I can’t seem to grow hair anymore except for my nose and ears.” “I have fungus under my toe nails, I have some kind of growths on my shins and I have varicose veins all over my legs.” “Besides that my ears are red and getting bigger and so is my nose.
Expecting some kind of sympathy or words of encouragement that she is admittedly very good at, I stopped my speaking and waited.
She was walking into the bathroom by now to take her shower. She spoke loudly over her shoulder as she closed the bathroom door. “You’ll need to just look at the bright side” she said, and she closed the door.
Now I had to almost yell to make her hear, “Oh, there’s a bright side is there?” “Yeah” she yelled back, “Your eyesight must still be okay.”
It's true, there is no such thing as 'original thought.'
Some of you may have got a very short form of this in an email.

20 comments:

Lanny said...

TMI TMI TMI

But like the bad tv show that can't be turned off I had to read to the end.

TMI TMI TMI

Ralph said...

Good stuff here Cliff. Gave me a good laugh.
By the way, thanks for checking on me today. I really appreciate your "concern". Nathan called almost as soon as we hung up - same reason, same evil laugh.
Ralph

Marla said...

That's a good story Cliff. I don't ever look in the mirror with no clothes, it's too scary!!

EV said...

Age and mirrors can be very humbling. Pffst, rock on, Dude! You're doing just fine. No kidding.

Shannon said...

Love it!!!!

Dan said...

Is this what I have to look forward to?! Cliff, how long is it going to take for you to take the quiz on my blog?

LZ Blogger said...

Cliff ~ There is always a BRIGHT SIDE! Another "bright side" is that at least you aren't as old as ME! But I am glad that Marilyn didn't point that one out to you or you may have felt EVEN worse!~ jb///

Paul Nichols said...

Lucky for us--we have removed all the mirrors from our home.

Ramblings of a Villas Girl said...

Hi Cliff! I'm with Marla. I get dressed and undressed in the dark and I have a very small mirror in the bathroom. Then again I wear contacts and without them I can't see well. Which sometimes is a good thing.

I could handle the drug dealing better then the basketball thing. We used to have a drug dealing house in the neighborhood. As a matter of fact it was in the house that Bobbie lives in now :o)

We've been pretty cold around here, but this is my kind of weather. Even better, no snow.

Well Cliff, you and Marilyn have a great weekend. Lisa

Jim said...

Cliff, you may have a problem. Google "earlobes grow with aging" to see what Dr. Jim has to say about this. He may help you.


I have started to blog again now after a two week break (did put on a poem on the other blog yesterday). I hope I can keep up now but it may still be going slow for me.
-->So come see me at Jim's Little Blog <--
..

Jamie Dawn said...

Ha, ha, ha!!!
Just get those circus mirrors that distort images to be tall and skinny. Be sure not to the get the ones that make things short and wide. I'd probably slit my wrists if I had a mirror that made me shorter and wider.
:-)

Live Well, Laugh Often & Love Much said...

I am with Jamie Dawn, LOVE THEM CIRCUS MIRRORS!

We love that Marilyn so much.

Granny Annie said...

So we are left to assume that your hearing is also good. Already two positive notes to your pity party. It sounds like Marilyn is doing a good job of keeping you humble.

Lanny said...

Oh, my goodness your PNW joke, I have never heard that before. All my life I have lived here and I never heard that joke. I howled, guffawed, snorted and chortled, read it to Dirt and howled some more. Yes, I am wet dead wood living in the PNW!

Linda G. said...

Grannie Annie sent me, and I'm glad because I had a good LOL! Your joke made me think of this Sheb Wooly song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwoZjsHs86A

I hope you can get it. I'd link if I knew how.

I really like your header too..yeas it is easy and we all are doing it!

Linda G. said...

Grannie Annie sent me and I'm glad because I had such a good LOL!

Darlene said...

wandered over from Granny Annie's too and am glad I did. I thought only women worried about stuff like that.

I'm trying to get everything to sag at the same time.

Janell said...

Okay, this worries me a little... I don't seem to mind looking in mirrors... I guess I must be going blind?

Jerry said...

Bwwhahahahahaha!

Thanks, Cliff. I needed that!

Peter said...

That Marilyn really tells it like it is!!!!!